It seems nearly impossible to separate the NHL from hockey chirps.
But why would you want to?! Chirps are as important to the game of hockey as the ice, the tape, and the ref making bad calls.
In hockey, a chirp is another name for a friendly insult, some trash talk, a barb – it is something you say to another player to wind them up a little.
It is an activity that you will see in Little League, the minor leagues, and you’ll even see the pros doing it.
Many players use chirps as part of their game plan, they use them to give them a psychological edge over their opponents.
To make them angry, stop them from concentrating, and get them to make more mistakes.
Here are some chirps to add to your arsenal.
Group A – When Some Misses A Shot
There is nothing better than throwing a few chirps at someone who has just missed a shot, Be warned though, what goes around comes around.
People will be throwing chirps at you when you miss a shot too.
- “It must be hard for you to eat when you got no hands.”
- “Hey, I’ve seen better hands on a digital clock.”
- “I’ve seen bigger hits in Little League.” (No offense Little Leaguers)
- “Are you hoping for a participation medal?”
- “Does your coach know you’re out here?”
- “I missed my first ever shot too, buddy. Don’t worry.”
- “Where you trying to knock out the commentator?” (Change commentator for anyone who sits at the back of your venue)
- “Give that (puck) 5 minutes and it will come back around again.”
- “My niece could have thrown that better than you.”
- “Can I borrow your hands? I lost my whetstone and my skates need sharpening.” (Find out How To Check Your Edges here)
- “You know you’re meant to be aiming for the goal right?”
- “Nice try.”
Group B – When Someone Dives
Some players are tempted to dive in order to get the ref on their side, but it is generally frowned upon in the world of ice hockey.
If you see someone diving, not be afraid to let them know how you feel.
- “Soccer practice is tomorrow, pal!”
- “Did you forget to pack your speedo?”
- “Did you have a nice trip?”
- “Did you lose your keys under the eye, pal?”
- “You know we have a Zamboni to smooth the ice, you don’t need to use your face!”
- “Did you forget your skates and pack your clown shoes?”
- “Pele called, he wants his moves back.”
- “Be careful mate, this pool’s frozen. You might hurt yourself.”
- “Did you forget your scuba goggles, mate?”
- “There no coral reef under there, pal.”
Group C – For A Player Who Is Stuck On The Bench
If there is no one to throw a chirp at on the ice, why not head over the bench and start throwing insults about over there.
- “If you want more ice time, they’re hiring a Zamboni driver, mate.”
- “There are easier ways to get tickets to watch me play, pal”
- “You’ve been scratched more times than a lottery ticket.”
- “You’d be more relevant to the game in a striped sweater.”
- “Funny, I heard you were the worst player on your last team too.”
- “Does your coach know you know how to skate?”
- “Can you pick up my dry cleaning for me, I need something to wear home.”
- “Part of the ship, part of the crew.” (best done in a pirate’s accent)
- “You must have worn the perfect imprint onto that chair by now.”
- “If you’re not going to use those skates, you should rent them out to someone from the Little League.”
- “Did you get benched in shinny too?”
Group D – When The Ref Makes A Wrong Call
Insult the ref at your own risk.
We have to admit that the chirps about the ref are some of our favorites.
- “Go dye your hair.”
- “Are you blind?!”
- “Sorry, I didn’t realize we were playing soccer, ref.”
- “Ref, you need new glasses.”
- “Do you know what your job is? Then why aren’t you doing it?”
- “We’re happy for you to wait while you read the rule book, ref.”
- “How much are they paying you, ref? I’ll double it.”
- “Ref, that shiny silver thing you’re holding is a whistle. Try using it!”
- “Hey, ref! You dropped your cell phone! Oh look, you missed 28 called on it, too!”
- “Hey ref, does your wife know you’re screwing us too?”
- “If you had one more eye, you’d be a cyclops.”
- “Ref, we’re trying to play a game of ice hockey here, think you could help?”
- “Ref, my newborn would do a better job than you and all he does is cry and poop!”
- “Hey, ref you!”
Group E – When The Goalie Fails To Make A Save
There is no better way to celebrate scoring a goal than by berating the goalie who just let you do it.
- “Hey goalie, I’ve seen coupons that save more than you.”
- “That’s a nice helmet…does it come in men’s too?”
- “You make more excuses than saves.”
- “You know we’re not playing dodgeball right?”
- “How long have they played you today? That’s a long time to do nothing.”
- “Have you tried using your stick, it might help you make some saves?”
- “If you don’t turn this around they sub in one of the spectators.”
- “You know you’re meant to be defending this goal, right?”
- “We’re going to have to start calling your Cinderella if you don’t stop running away from the ball (puck).”
- “Missed again? Have you thought about retraining as a ref?”
Group F – General Insults
These are great chirps to have in your back pocket, just in case.
- “I’ve heard better chirps from a dead bird.”
- “I smell smoke. Thinking of a chirp, bud?”
- “Go relax with a scented candle and a bubble bath.” (perfect for when someone is screaming at the ref)
- “You’re a big, tough guy? Hey fellas, we have a super tough guy here. Everyone watch out, this is the tough guy. He is really, really tough, so just be careful everyone.” (this only gets funnier, the more annoyed they get)
- “You’re ten-ply, bud.”
- “What’s that? Roll down your window, I can’t hear you.” (for someone wearing a visor or standing behind the glass)
- “I can see you’re trying really hard today, well done buddy.”
- “Wake up, the game started 20 minutes ago.”
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