Hockey chirps are an integral part of the game, as essential as the ice, the puck, and, yes, even the referees.
They're the verbal jabs, the friendly insults, and the psychological tactics players use to get under their opponents' skin. Whether in the minor leagues, the NHL, or just playing a casual game with friends, you've likely heard or thrown a few chirps yourself.
But have you ever wondered what makes a chirp genuinely memorable? What secret sauce elevates a chirp from mere trash talk to an art form?
In this blog post, we'll explore the world of hockey chirps, from the classics to the downright hilarious, and even some that are so clever they deserve a spot in the Hockey Chirp Hall of Fame.
So, lace up your skates and get ready to add some new chirps to your repertoire!
The 12 Best Hockey Chirps For When Someone Misses A Shot
Nothing is better than throwing a few nasty hockey chirps at someone who has just missed a shot. Be warned, though, what goes around comes around.
People will be throwing chirps at you when you miss a shot, too.
- "It must be hard for you to eat when you have no hands."
- "Hey, I've seen better hands on a digital clock."
- "I've seen bigger hits in Little League." (No offence, Little Leaguers)
- "Are you hoping for a participation medal?"
- "Does your coach know you’re out here?"
- "I missed my first-ever shot, too, buddy. Don't worry."
- "Where you trying to knock out the commentator?" (Change commentator for anyone who sits at the back of your venue)
- "Give that (puck) 5 minutes, and it will come back around again."
- "My niece could have thrown that better than you."
- "Can I borrow your hands? I lost my whetstone, and my skates need sharpening." (Find out How To Check Your Edges here)
- "You know you're meant to aim for the goal, right?"
- "Nice try."
The 10 Best Hockey Chirps For When Someone Dives
Some players are tempted to dive to get the ref on their side, but it is generally frowned upon in ice hockey.
If you see someone diving, do not be afraid to tell them how you feel.
- "Soccer practice is tomorrow, pal!"
- "Did you forget to pack your speedo?"
- "Did you have a nice trip?"
- "Did you lose your keys under the eye, pal?"
- "You know we have a Zamboni to smooth the ice; you don't need to use your face!"
- "Did you forget your skates and pack your clown shoes?"
- "Pele called; he wants his moves back."
- "Be careful, mate, this pool's frozen. You might hurt yourself."
- "Did you forget your scuba goggles, mate?"
- "There no coral reef under there, pal."
The 11 Best Hockey Chirps For A Player Who Is Stuck On The Bench
If there is no one to throw a chirp at on the ice, why not head over to the bench and start throwing insults about over there?
- "If you want more ice time, they're hiring a Zamboni driver, mate."
- "There are easier ways to get tickets to watch me play, pal"
- "You've been scratched more times than a lottery ticket."
- "You’d be more relevant to the game in a striped sweater."
- "Funny, I heard you were the worst player on your last team, too."
- "Does your coach know you know how to skate?"
- "Can you pick up my dry cleaning for me? I need something to wear home."
- "Part of the ship, part of the crew." (best done in a pirate's accent)
- "You must have worn the perfect imprint onto that chair by now."
- "If you're not going to use those skates, you should rent them out to someone from the Little League."
- "Did you get benched in shinny too?"
The 14 Best Hockey Chirps For When The Ref Makes A Wrong Call
Insult the ref at your own risk.
We must admit that the hockey insults about the ref are some of our favourites.
- "Go dye your hair."
- "Are you blind?!"
- "Sorry, I didn't realize we were playing soccer, ref."
- "Ref, you need new glasses."
- "Do you know what your job is? Then why aren't you doing it?"
- "We're happy for you to wait while you read the rule book, ref."
- "How much are they paying you, ref? I'll double it."
- "Ref, that shiny silver thing you're holding is a whistle. Try using it!"
- "Hey, ref! You dropped your cell phone! Oh look, you missed 28 called on it, too!"
- "Hey, ref, does your wife know you're screwing us too?"
- "If you had one more eye, you'd be a Cyclops."
- "Ref, we're trying to play a game of ice hockey here; think you could help?"
- "Ref, my newborn would do a better job than you and all he does is cry and poop!"
- "Hey, ref you!"
The 9 Best Goalie Chirps For When They Fail To Make A Save
There is no better way to celebrate scoring a goal than by berating the goalie who lets you do it.
- "Hey, goalie, I've seen coupons that save more than you."
- "That's a nice helmet...does it come in men's too?"
- "You make more excuses than saves."
- "You know we're not playing dodgeball, right?"
- "How long have they played you today? That’s a long time to do nothing."
- "Have you tried using your stick? It might help you make some saves?"
- "If you don't turn this around, they sub in one of the spectators."
- "You know you're meant to be defending this goal, right?"
- "Missed again? Have you thought about retraining as a ref?"
The 8 Best General Hockey Insults
These are great nasty hockey chirps to have in your back pocket, just in case.
- "I’ve heard better chirps from a dead bird."
- "I smell smoke. Thinking of a chirp, bud?"
- "Go relax with a scented candle and a bubble bath." (perfect for when someone is screaming at the ref)
- "You’re a big, tough guy? Hey, fellas, we have a super tough guy here. Everyone watch out, this is the tough guy. He is really, really tough, so just be careful, everyone." (this only gets funnier, the more annoyed they get)
- "You’re ten-ply, bud."
- "What's that? Roll down your window, I can't hear you." (for someone wearing a visor or standing behind the glass)
- "I can see that you're trying hard today; well done, buddy."
- "Wake up; the game started 20 minutes ago."
Wrapping Up the World of Hockey Chirps
So there you have it, a deep dive into the fascinating and often hilarious world of hockey chirps. Whether you're a seasoned player looking to up your chirping game or a newbie just getting into the sport, these verbal jabs are more than just words; they're a part of hockey culture. They can make a game more engaging, add a layer of strategy, and, let's be honest, they're just plain fun.
Remember, the best hockey insults are quick, clever and hit just the right note between funny and nasty. So, the next time you find yourself on the ice, don't hold back. Unleash your newfound arsenal of chirps and enjoy the game in a new way. After all, what's a game of hockey without a little friendly banter?
If you have enjoyed our list of great hockey chirps. You might also enjoy our list of the best hockey quotes. Check it out!